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    Steve Inskeep editorial

    I’m sharing this important, persuasive opinion piece in the March 26, 2021 edition of The New York Times by Steve Inskeep, adoptee and adoptive father and NPR co-host, about his birth records in the State of Indiana finally being unsealed–after 50 years. Inskeep talks candidly about his lack of interest in his birth story until two things happened: in 2012, he became an adoptive father himself to a daughter from China; and in 2018, the State of Indiana’s adoption law changed, allowing sealed records to be opened. In 2019, Inskeep received details of his birth, including the name of his first mother, where she grew up, and the situation surrounding her pregnancy and his birth.

    Now, Inskeep wants every adoptee to have full, legal access to their birth information–information that belongs rightfully to every human being but is still denied to adoptees in many states. Writes Inskeep: “Equality would end an information blackout that robs people of identity. Throughout life, I have met people who spent years searching for birth parents, complicating their struggles to come to terms with their past…. It’s one of those little things that never bother you until it does.”

    This is a primary reason why the falsification of documents can be so shattering to families searching for birth mothers in Guatemala. How can you find a person when every piece of paper contains misinformation and lies? As anyone who has hit a brick wall knows, it can be impossible. Which is devastating.

    An excerpt from Inskeep’s article:

    “It’s been nearly two years since I first read those documents, and I’m still not over it. Knowing that story has altered how I think about myself, and the seemingly simple question of where I’m from. It’s brought on a feeling of revelation, and also of anger. I’m not upset with my biological mother; it was moving to learn how she managed her predicament alone. Her decisions left me with the family that I needed — that I love…. I am angry that for 50 years, my state denied me the story of how I came to live on this earth. Strangers hid part of me from myself.”

    Read the article here.

    Steve Inskeep editorial Read More »

    Happy birthday, Maya!

    A highlight of quarantine was the birthday celebration of our dear friend, Maya, formerly known as “Baby Maya,” daughter of my dear friend, Kallie. Maya is my daughter Olivia’s oldest friend–oldest meaning “long term”–with their relationship going on 18 years. Maya was an infant and Olivia 15 months old when Kallie and I met on the streets of Antigua, Guatemala, where we’d moved to wait out/finalize our adoptions, back in 2003-04. Over coffee and conversation, Kallie and I quickly discovered we both lived in California, less than 30 minutes from each other, and had a million things in common. Our girls and we have been fast friends ever since.

    Here are a few snaps from our days together, beginning at the famous Hotel Antigua (now the Porta Hotel Antigua), and continuing in an Antigua horse and carriage ride with matching purses, at a holiday festival and the Snoopy Skating Rink, and masked with Maya’s kitty and my son Mateo at the birthday event.

    Happy birthday, dear Maya! We love you!

    Happy birthday, Maya! Read More »

    Paula McLain in Modern Love

    This “Modern Love” essay by Paula McLain! Who grew up in foster care in Fresno, California, a detail I’d somehow missed. This insight into the mind of the child who is abandoned–the fears and trauma that follow–could only have been written by someone who lived and survived it. McLain’s experience is her own, but the themes she explores may resonate for others.

    Wow.

    From her essay:

    A skinny, curly-haired, quiet girl, I had already learned to read grown-ups like maps of difficult terrain and to bend myself into whatever kind of child they seemed to want. This was my job, to watch and to please, so I wouldn’t be given away again. Because I had learned that as bad as any situation was, it could always be worse.

    Read the entire essay here.

    Paula McLain in Modern Love Read More »

    Ruth

    Ruth circa 2017 with Mateo, Olivia and friend

    My friend of many years, the famous Ruth, was featured in Antigua Daily Photo this week. Photographer Rudy Giron’s description captures her essence: “My good friend Ruth needs no introduction; she’s probably the most famous Maya woman in Antigua Guatemala. Ruth is a polyglot. Ruth is an entrepreneur always looking for new enterprises… She always has a beautiful smile to offer me and my companions whenever we cross paths.”

    Oh, how I miss Guatemala. As soon as I’m vaccinated, I’m booking my flight. xoxo

    Antigua Daily Photo

    Ruth Read More »

    That firework summer

    Wedding 2013

    Today’s my youngest sister, Deanna’s birthday, and I realize it’s also the longest time we’ve gone in our lives without seeing each other. Some of my best memories are of vacations together with our two families—Deanna with her husband David and their girls, Mackenzie, Astrid, and Mia; and me with Tim, Olivia, and Mateo. They’d come to California or we’d go to Boston. One year we all met in Maine for our nephew’s wedding. Deanna and I have grown up together and our kids have, too.

    At President Biden’s inauguration this past January, when thousands of fireworks blasted off and Katy Perry sang her indelible “Firework,” I remembered Deanna’s visit in 2013. In 2017, I wrote a short post about it, which I’m reposting below.

    Happy birthday, Deanna! Xoxo

    That Firework Summer

    Tonight was the kids’ Spring Concert at school and one of the classes sang Katy Perry’s “Firework.” As I sat and listened, I remembered the moment a few years ago when Katy Perry’s “Firework” was everywhere, you couldn’t move without hearing “Baby, you’re a firework. Come on, show ‘em what you’re worth.”

    That Firework summer, my three beautiful nieces came to visit us from Boston, and with three teenage girls, you better believe, honey: we were singing that anthem at the top of our lungs, nonstop. Dancing it, too.

    And sitting at the concert I thought of them, those three teenage girls, now young women, Mackenzie, Astrid, and Mia, with their whole big lives ahead of them.

    To my beautiful nieces and sister, I’m sending you these lines, with much love:

    Maybe a reason why all the doors are closed
    So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road
    Like a lightning bolt, your heart will glow
    And when it’s time you’ll know

    You just gotta ignite the light and let it shine
    Just own the night like the 4th of July
    Cause baby you’re a firework. ~ xoxoxo

    That firework summer Read More »