Steve Inskeep editorial
I’m sharing this important, persuasive opinion piece in the March 26, 2021 edition of The New York Times by Steve Inskeep, adoptee and adoptive father and NPR co-host, about his birth records in the State of Indiana finally being unsealed–after 50 years. Inskeep talks candidly about his lack of interest in his birth story until two things happened: in 2012, he became an adoptive father himself to a daughter from China; and in 2018, the State of Indiana’s adoption law changed, allowing sealed records to be opened. In 2019, Inskeep received details of his birth, including the name of his first mother, where she grew up, and the situation surrounding her pregnancy and his birth. Now, Inskeep wants every adoptee to have full, legal access to their birth information–information that belongs rightfully to every human being but is still denied to adoptees in many states. Writes Inskeep: “Equality would end an information blackout that robs people of identity. Throughout life, I have met people who spent years searching for birth parents, complicating their struggles to come to terms with their past…. It’s one of those little things that never bother you until it does.” This is a primary reason why the falsification of documents can be so shattering to families searching for birth mothers in Guatemala. How can you find a person when every piece of paper contains misinformation and lies? As anyone who has hit a brick wall knows, it can be impossible. Which is devastating. An excerpt from Inskeep’s article: “It’s been nearly two years since I first read those documents, and I’m still not over it. Knowing that story has altered how I think about myself, and the seemingly simple question of where I’m from. It’s brought on a feeling of revelation, and also of anger. I’m not upset with my biological mother; it was moving to learn how she managed her predicament alone. Her decisions left me with the family that I needed — that I love…. I am angry that for 50 years, my state denied me the story of how I came to live on this earth. Strangers hid part of me from myself.” Read the article here.
Happy birthday, Maya!
A highlight of quarantine was the birthday celebration of our dear friend, Maya, formerly known as “Baby Maya,” daughter of my dear friend, Kallie. Maya is my daughter Olivia’s oldest friend–oldest meaning “long term”–with their relationship going on 18 years. Maya was an infant and Olivia 15 months old when Kallie and I met on the streets of Antigua, Guatemala, where we’d moved to wait out/finalize our adoptions, back in 2003-04. Over coffee and conversation, Kallie and I quickly discovered we both lived in California, less than 30 minutes from each other, and had a million things in common. Our girls and we have been fast friends ever since. Here are a few snaps from our days together, beginning at the famous Hotel Antigua (now the Porta Hotel Antigua), and continuing in an Antigua horse and carriage ride with matching purses, at a holiday festival and the Snoopy Skating Rink, and masked with Maya’s kitty and my son Mateo at the birthday event. Happy birthday, dear Maya! We love you!
Essay in Grown and Flown
“Grown and Flown” published my essay, “We Found Our Children’s Birth Mothers” back in November, but so much was going on then, I think I forgot to post the link. The piece explores the evolution of my thinking on the subject of reunion. The first few paragraphs: “When we began the process to adopt my daughter Olivia from Guatemala in 2002, we never considered open adoption. Why would we? No one mentioned it–not our agency, not our social worker, not our in-country facilitator. I hadn’t known it was possible. Over the course of my life, I’d been close with people who are adopted—including two cousins—and not one had met their birth families. I’d never heard the subject discussed. “Then, during Olivia’s adoption, which went on for nearly two years, I quit my job in San Francisco and moved to Antigua, Guatemala to expedite the process. We lived together in a small rental house, and sometimes I’d stare at my beautiful daughter and silently question, “Who made you? What’s her story? Does she know where you are?” “Occasionally, at the market or on the street, at a restaurant or church, I’d see a woman who closely resembled Olivia, and I’d be seized by a mixture of curiosity, fear, and elation as I wondered, ‘Are you my daughter’s mother?‘” You can read the entire essay here. As always, thanks for your interest! xoxo
Christmas 2020
No date stamp needed on this year’s holiday card. Season’s Greetings from us to you! xoxo PS: The kids are standing on a fence behind us. They’re tall, but not that tall. Photo taken at Muir Woods.
Happy holidays!
Sunday night we watched the 22nd annual “A Home for the Holidays” on CBS, hosted by Gayle King and produced by the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption, and I will tell you, I wasn’t the only one sitting on our sofa, crying. The show tells the story of families created through foster-adoption, and every year when I watch it, I’m overwhelmed with a feeling of absolute gratitude for how adoption has transformed my life and our family, and for being part of what I think of as my tribe, my people, my adoption community. I’ll never stop counting my blessings. Happy holidays from my family to yours! ~ Jessica, Tim, Olivia and Mateo (ages 18 and 16). PS: The kids are standing on a fence post behind us. They’re tall, but not that tall! 😉